Anger at Self

Almost August. My last two months are full of eustress* and distress: a family wedding, reunions, trips, plans broken, lack of rain, putting a manuscript together, grass in flowerbeds, on and on.

I am angry. Did you know stress can steal just about everything, even the good times with good people? Not a hint of a breeze as I own this.

However, stress cannot steal my stories/testimonies. For this, I am thankful.

I was a counselor for years, so I automatically ask myself, And what’s under your anger? What’s the real deal? the feeling under the anger? SAD. I’m sad. Not at anyone else. At myself. I kept adding to my load this summer. I did it to myself.

As a result, I experience strained and knotted shoulders, probably from trying to pull a manuscript together while juggling this and that.

During this time, I’m sure I shortened and ignored quality time with God. Wonder what kind of message that gave to God? Ding! I hang my head like a tired sunflower.

Tomorrow grandchildren come to stay for a week. They will attend our fun Vacation Bible School. What if they treat me like I’ve been treating God, the Father? Shame.

When grandchildren are here, I think about them all the time. I think God does that for us, too. He loves us that much.

A whole lot of craziness goes with trying to smooth stressors.

Messy world. Big needs. So many in need of prayer. And that may be the biggest thing I can actually do for them and for myself.

What I do with their stories is part of my testimony. Praying for them or not praying for them is part of my testimony, my love, my story.

Meanwhile, I’m forgiving myself for creating some of my own stress. I’m also giving people the message I’m here for them, and again I’m trying once more to walk humbly with my God. I must keep my focus on Him.

Today I was blessed to read Psalms 146. I’m handing the universe back to God to let him do with it as He wishes. I thank Him for who He is.

The sun leaps the river, starting to drop.

Blessings on you as you live each day, telling your own story.

Pat Durmon

*According to Merriam Webster, “eustress” is “a positive form of stress having a beneficial effect on healthy, motivation, performance, and emotional well-being.”

P.S. – If you click on any of the word/phrase tags on the right, they will take you to previous blogs that are related to the topic.

I thank you for comments and sharing. You are wonderful readers.

Photo by Pat Durmon of her manuscript-in-process, at her home in Norfork, Arkansas. July 2017.