Interview with Cherry - A 93-Year-Old with Laughter in Her Heart
(Only nicknames or middle names will be used for these Seventy-Five-Plus year old women sharing lives in my interviews. The anonymity is to help protect their privacy.)
Someone recently asked why my interviews were only with older women. I responded, “Maybe because they are women who are winding down their lives. Maybe because I think they might have something to teach me about this last season of life.”
With that, I turn to Cherry, my next interviewee, and ask if she can relate to winding down or slowing down of her life.
I just don't have the energy I once had. I am slowing down. My walking is poor, probably because of some medical problems, but my wanting to do things is still there. Now, my son and daughter-in-law want me to stop driving. That would be a big hamper on my once giddy-up-and-go lifestyle.
How do you live each day?
I wing it! Of course there are appointments you have to keep, sometimes plan for. When things change, I have to go with the flow. Also, what grounds me is the everyday bills and mistakes I have to correct, just taking care of business.
Cherry, I know you to be a talker. You have an emotional language. You can talk about cancer, heart issues, feelings, about anything. What kind of good support did you have to develop this kind of confidence? Does it have anything to do with feeling valued?
I only felt valued by Bill, my husband. Emotional support, I would say, came from my church family at Lone Rock Baptist, near Mountain Home, Arkansas—though I don't think they knew it! A God thing. It’s still with me today. Maybe you can say I have determination, independence, or just stubborn stupidity. Even with cancer, my attitude was come-what-may.
I remember when you worked at the Peitz Cancer Support House in Mountain Home, Arkansas. You had already lived the cancer walk.
I enjoyed my time volunteering at the Peitz House. My own cancer surgery was in 2002, plus more than six weeks of radiation. Thank the Lord, no chemo. I actually felt as though I was not really a cancer survivor when I witnessed others who’d suffered with chemo treatment. Loved fitting the ladies with wigs and scarves….
By the way, Cherry, how old are you?
I am now 93. Never in a million years did I think of becoming that old.
And can you give a brief picture of your childhood?
My childhood took place in Chicago. It seemed pretty normal at the time, but I was raised more by my maternal grandmother than my mother, who had to work to support the family. Father was unemployed most of the time. They did a lot of separating during their marriage, which didn't last too long. From then on, it was Mom, Gram, and me. I was shy and a slow reader, but I was well liked. Had lots of friends from teenage years. Kept many ’til they died. Losing your friends is painful, you know. I hold my friendships close to my heart, as I was an only child.
The game is not over for you, Cherry. I know of a long trip you made alone to North Arkansas last year, so you are not on the sidelines. You are still in the game.
Yes, that trip to Arkansas was fun. That last day was harrowing, though. Did you know I landed in a ditch? I had to wait for a tow truck to pull the car out, then still had to make that drive to Springfield to catch a plane. I was given five different directions to the Springfield Airport, but I made that scheduled flight.
Cherry, you were married to Bill and had two boys. Anything you’d like to say about your husband Bill, family, those years?
I was a nineteen-year-old June bride in 1950. Met Bill through his girlfriend (at the time) at church and high school. Dated for a year and a half, engaged for another year and a half. First date was on April Fools’ Day, 1947. My two sons are now senior citizens! (By the way, I now live in the same house with my oldest. I have my own space in a finished basement.)
Bill was a professional truck driver, but he was interested in a variety of things. He had a side job at a gas station where he learned a lot of mechanic stuff. His first regular job was at a factory, then he was a milkman. Next, photography—cameras, enlargers, and developing. I assisted in most everything he got into. Then, flying—almost got his license, but it was too expensive to continue. Then came scuba diving. Didn’t last too long. Not enough time and nearby water to dive into! Leather tooling and beading came after that. Then came the rocks! Our "Mom and Pop" lapidary business grew. Well-known locally. That lasted 25 years.
So Bill found his niche, and you helped him. Cherry, did you have a hobby of your own?
Yes. Crocheting and painting. Oil painting is really my first love. Still have intentions of finishing a couple of paintings started years ago. Mostly self-taught. Artistic talent runs in my maternal heritage. Started drawing my grandmother’s boarder at age four or five. In high school, my chemistry partner did all the lab stuff. I sat and drew pictures for her! It's a wonder I graduated.
Cherry, somehow you wound up in Arkansas.
Yes, we sold our lapidary business and moved to Arkansas. There, Bill and I cleared land and enjoyed our mobile home. I gifted Bill with a saddle so that he could silversmith it, as that is what he said. Well, he then decided to keep the saddle as is and buy a horse. We knew nothing about keeping a horse but learned quickly—a money pit! Soon after, we got a second horse for me. True story: One day we were riding in our neighbor’s field with his cows when suddenly the new calves started to run, so the horse decided to do the same. As she lowered into a gallop, I flew up, and when we met, I got a compression fracture! Determined not to fall off among the rocks and cow patties, I rode her till she stopped. Result: a week’s hospital stay. We soon got rid of both horses and did some traveling. Upon returning home, we bought another horse—for Bill. No more for me!
You and Bill operated as a couple. Did the marriage have rough patches?
I’d say so. Back in the early 80's, Bill was swayed by his friends from work to change his lifestyle. Our marriage almost ended up in divorce. I decided to see if he could live without me. One morning I was not there to wake him up for work, fix his coffee, and all the other stuff I did for him. He found me later the next day and apologized and ended the relationship with those "friends." I'd say that was a God thing!
Arthur Krystal once wrote to the New Yorker at 71, saying, “Getting old means we just have to work at staying young." Any thoughts, Cherry?
Oh, the many thoughts that flood my mind. To boil it down, I was never a worrier. I guess I just left it up to the Lord but not realizing it. Though my family had problems, they shielded me from them, so I was carefree. But I thanked God for watching over me and keeping me safe. There were a number of incidents where safety was an issue. Once, I heard His voice (or one of His angels) saying, "Cherry, go home." Twice. I can still hear it!
Anyone who knows you, Cherry, is aware of your positive attitude and love of laughter.
Yes, I do laugh a lot, and sometimes it puzzles people. Once, my husband and I were out boating on the Illinois River with friends. (Bill was in a full leg cast from a broken ankle.) At the end of the day, we pulled up on a steep ramp, with blocks under the car's front tires. Bill got out of the car to hook up the boat, when the car jumped the blocks and slid into the river, with the boat floating behind. I started laughing. My friend asked why I was laughing. My reply? "What else is there to do? Cry? What good would that do?”
Cherry, this is an age of technology where so many feel they cannot keep up, but you have managed to use email, Facebook, internet. Were you always determined to keep up?
No. An emphatic NO! Our sons encouraged us to learn and get our inventory listed on paper. My husband said he had it all in his head—turned out we had nine pages of items in small print! Long story short, we attended a class at a library: Computer 101 for Dummies. Bill picked it up pretty fast, and I learned from him. Still learning and asking my family for help.
Was there anything you wanted in this life but did not get?
My secret wish was to be a stay-at-home mom. That did not come true for me. Life now is slow but going by fast—but all in all, I'm satisfied.
You are independent and active, Cherry.
When younger, I really didn't think of myself as being independent, but I guess I was. About five years old, I decided to go and visit my paternal grandmother who lived about a mile away, across a very busy Chicago street called North Ave. I did not tell anyone that I was going. Later when I was ten, we had moved about four miles away from the church I call my home base. My mother wanted me to join a church nearby. I did not want to do that. So after school, with a few pennies for car fare, I ventured out and joined the little girls’ choir. After marriage, Bill and I shared activities. I always felt safe with him, wherever or whatever we were doing.
But, I’m thinking you must have your challenges, too—body deterioration, bereavement?
I was blessed in that I was pretty healthy until 1992, when I had a ruptured colon. Peritonitis was setting in, and I had emergency surgery early in the morning on the day we were going to leave on a vacation. 2002 ushered in cancer: had surgery and radiation; 2011, a small heart attack while out in New Mexico; 2013, a minor stroke took away my singing voice. Later that year, I awoke with a small cerebral hemorrhage. That was the granddaddy of all headaches. Since moving back to Illinois, I have been hospitalized a number of times. Recently, shingles on the right side of my face.
Bereavement. I lost Bill 21 years ago. We did make it to our 53rd wedding anniversary. Had a wonderful celebration on our 50th. I’ve lost all of my close friends from my youth. However, there is one who lives in northern Wisconsin—she'll be 94 years old in November.
Because of medicines and better information, I suppose, many of us get additional years. Cherry, what would you like to say about your long life?
I’ve been very blessed. My mother lived to be 95—she claimed good genes. My mantra is good genes and good make-up! Oh, and I never got Covid.
Cherry, what do you value in this world?
What’s precious to me is my faith in God. I feel as though He has been with me all my life. There were times that I got myself into situations that could have been disastrous, but His intervention prevented any trouble. And that was something that I really didn't realize at the time. Looking back, it would be the only answer. I value family next. Between our two sons, I have seven grandchildren and 15 great-grands. Lastly, I value my memories of the friends that I made along life's journey.
Happy summer days to each of you. Always, feel free to pass on my blog to your friends. They can have it delivered in their email if they’d like to sign up for the blog. (I do not pass names or addresses to anyone.)
God bless,
Pat Durmon
Drawing of "Cherry” smiling by Mary Chambers of Jonesboro, Arkansas.
Poetry Books by Pat Durmon
Prose by Pat Durmon
The story of Lee R. Farrier from Norfork, Arkansas, is Pat's first book of prose and a tribute to Lee, the town of Norfork, and its people. All profits from sales go toward a scholarship at Norfork High School.
Thank you, Pat, for introducing me, thru your interviews, to another fascinating person.
Ray Stahl