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What Did I Leave Behind This Time?

June 17, 2019

I intentionally look around the hotel room or bedroom, trying to not leave anything behind. Do you do that, too? And do you still leave things behind?

 

I do.

 

Things like tennis shoes in a darkened corner, a plugged-in charger for a phone, an alarm clock. The list varies as I look farther back.

 

I don’t mind so much when it’s fog, cold air, or leaves I leave behind because I know my seasons. I expect that loss, and I know it’ll come around again.

 

But when I don’t expect it, when I don’t know it’s coming, I have to adjust on the inside and the outside. I may have to go barefoot or make another pair of shoes work. I’ll need to ask someone to awaken me at a particular time, and I make another stop to buy another charger. I manage, but it’s highly inconvenient.

 

This past weekend, I slept in three different beds. I was on the go. Adjustments here and there, along the way. It was okay if I half-expected it. As I slow down, I wonder just where is it written that I should be happy all the time?

 

I can pursue happiness all the time, but will I catch it? (a quote from Bill Budbill)

 

I don’t know that I purposefully pursue happiness. I figure it will happen as I live my life. I think it comes in snatches for me when and if I enjoy the moments I’m living.

 

Usually when I find happy, I’m really not looking for it. I’m just living moment to moment, and boom! I turn a corner and there it is!

 

What creates it? A bird’s song, a dog’s antics, light on hydrangeas, my husband’s laugh, the sound of goats, a time of working or persevering. It’s strange how it can even come out of sweat.

 

I wish you happiness, not losses. But know that happiness can come, in spite of our losses. In spite of the loss of sun, loss of a car, loss of the bullheaded egomaniac mindset that is common during the teen years. 

 

When we lose the sun, car, a certain mindset, we have more room for quiet and love. At long last, we have time for a sunset, woods, deer, river, a person who needs to be heard, a mountain side.

 

Just returned home from a big reunion. Left lovely people behind, but now, if I can just stay in the moment, I’ll enjoy the stand of trees, horses, getting the laundry clean, slower days.

 

Meanwhile, I’m shifting myself toward tomorrow. Just floating that direction.

 

I guess I’m automatically leaving things behind.

 

Right now, I’m okay with it. It’s the way God put it together. My aging process. Yes, I’m highly aware. Again, God’s way of doing things. I know we are floating toward the end of things.

 

All of us.

 

With that in mind, we are always leaving things behind.

 

So the loss of shoes, charger, a clock is just getting me ready for a bigger letting go of things. I’ve certainly had my share of happiness, in spite of hard, sad times. God has blessed me in spite of leaving things behind.

 

I ask myself, what do I really not want to leave behind? It comes fast...

 

Jesus.

 

He is what makes all the hard times, the big losses, bearable for me. As long as I have Jesus in my heart, I’m okay, no matter what the other losses turn out to be.

 

I’m hoping you have Him in your heart too. If you follow His Way, you will be blessed.

 

Pat Durmon

(patdurmon.com)

 

P.S. Happy to have you comment and share. Thank you!

 

 

This painting by Rick Hous hangs in the dining room of the administration building of the Arkansas Baptist Children’s Home, Monticello, Arkansas. Photo taken by Pat Durmon, June 2019.

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