My Foe Is Me

I’m okay with the earth sleeping in the winter. I can take a break from foliage, petals, colors, but when the skies stay gray day after day, it gets tough.

I don’t want to go out the door.

A meeting to attend. I’m going, you understand, but I struggle with myself. I need a new voice in my head!

I need to say “Thank you” and “Welcome!” to God and to the sun. (Both are out there, whether I can find them or not.)

I make up my mind to leave the victim voice (in my head) at home. That part of me is not going to town. She is staying home with the coffee grounds, Tylenol, the amaryllis that has not yet bloomed but teases me.

Gray days encourage a pity party. Maybe you know the tune: “Ain’t life terrible?”

It takes work and skill to go against such grayness.

I must make a plan to give gray thinking the boot, leave it behind, the old heave ho. Part of my plan is to laugh with the cold sun if and when I find it!

Not sure what you or others do when gray days get you down, but I have to create a little plan when I awaken and certainly before I leave the house.

I don’t have to engineer high bridges or climb mountains. I’m made of spirit and flesh, so I give myself permission to walk the low roads.

I ask the Lord to velcro some extra faith to me today. If I feel a little scared (whether it makes sense or not), I ask for more faith. He’s my Father, so yes, I ask.

My foe is me.

I have to monitor how I think. Do you know about doing that? I need a song I can sing in thick or thin air. “Blessed Assurance” may be my favorite. Or is it “It Is Well With My Soul”? I make up my mind to sing.

Same as when I make myself dust furniture or feed the birds. Just a little plan. It doesn’t have to be elaborate, but it automatically turns into a good thing if it helps me go against gray days.

So I say, “Thank You.” Necessary. Then I ask for more faith and less fear. Finally, I remind myself that I am not alone.

All three things help me develop into the person I want to become.

Now here’s the kicker. Even on the grayest day, I need to say thank you, ask for faith, say “God is with me.”

Any and all of these can become mantras until I am totally on board, until I am no longer my own enemy and sabotaging my day.

Hey, that may be a clue as to why I keep having to repeat it, over and over. (Oops! showing my human stuff.)

If you and I want to serve God, we can. And He is willing to pitch in and help us. He will give us good training.

Probably the same as when He taught Peter, James, and John.

God is a Giver. Ask, receive, say “Thank you.” Fight the gray days.

We’ll always have gray days, but all is well.

And if all is well, we can take them one moment at a time.

Whether we can see the sun or not, we walk uncertain, uncharted paths. Some days are gray, but God is listening. We are not alone.

May you become aware of God walking with you,

Pat Durmon

P.S. I appreciate each of you. Writing for my readers pushes me to stay in touch with my thoughts and feelings, the human stuff. Thanks for making the time for reading, commenting, and sharing.

Photo of Hwy 341 (Push Mountain Road) and gray skies near Sheid Bridge taken by Pat Durmon, January 25, 2019.